How Can MMADness Prevail?
by AssortedScribbler
Summary: Minerva is growing up with Albus watching over her from a distance, a distance that seems so vast. How can only the emotions they feel breach that seemingly everlasting chasm? Eventual ADMM not while she's a student.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own it; lots of other people have the happy right, but not me. Thanks to JKR for writing it all so brilliantly!

**A/N: **This is a big MMADness fic I've had in the works for a while and I hope you like it. Another for the 'Status: In Progress' box I think. Anyhow, hope you like it and please review, you people keep me writing! Thanks to Zoë for always having faith in me, you ROCK darling!

**Summary:** Minerva's growing up with Albus watching over her from a distance, and she is living with a heart full of love for him that she cannot follow. She can never tell him and neither can he. MMAD.

**How Can MMADness Prevail?**

Albus hurried along the corridors towards the Great Hall, wishing for the millionth time he could apparate. Even with all the secret passages and short cuts he knew, it still took a good five minutes to get from his office to the Hall and Armando would have his wand if he was late again. This was the third time in this week alone! It was only the second week of term, and already he was running out of excuses. Ducking out from behind a tapestry, he barrelled straight into Minerva McGonagall's path. He looked back only to get crashed into and they both ended up in a heap on the floor.

"Professor! I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going." Minerva apologised as they untangled themselves and stood up, both glowing beetroot red. As she watched him straighten his robes, her mind recalled why she had not seen him and she tore her gaze away to look for her book. Albus noticed a small black volume on the floor by his feet which he knew was not his and picked it up. The title read "Transfiguration: Intermediate to Expert". His eyes twinkled and he asked gently, as he held it out to her,

"Is this yours my dear?" She looked up from where she had been scanning the floor and a look of relief spread across her face.

"Yes." She answered as she took it, being careful not to touch him and slipped it into a pocket inside her robes. She looked faintly embarrassed as she added in a mutter, "Teach me not to read while I'm walking won't it?" His eyes merely twinkled again. "So Professor, why aren't you down in the Great Hall?" She asked, as they began to walk down the corridor side by side, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, which perhaps for them it was.

"I would be, if it were not for a certain sixth-year who doggedly keeps stretching my patience." Albus muttered darkly and Minerva froze, bringing her feet to a stop and looking up at him with hurt in her eyes.

"Sir?" Her voice was worried and he looked down at her and paused, realising what she was thinking.

"Oh no Minerva, not you, gracious no. You're the best student I've ever had! No, I was thinking of… oh it doesn't matter." Albus shook his head wearily and began walking again, with Minerva by his side, watching him intently. He glanced down at his best student and smiled, knowing her that well by now to know when she needed to ask something but could not see how to begin.

"You have something you wish to ask me Miss McGonagall?" He inquired, turning his head slightly to her as he directed them down a set of stairs that could cut a good deal out of their journey. She looked up at him briefly with a thinly veiled look of "You know me too well" then down at the book resting her pocket. She seemed to consider inwardly for a few moments before breaching a subject that had long been preying on her mind.

"I would like to become an Animagus. Can you help me?" She hated sounding so feeble, and she didn't look up, just carried on walking beside her professor. Albus watched her for a few seconds before replying gently,

"Have you asked your parents?" She looked up and nodded, hope shining in her eyes. "Then I see no reason why I cannot." He answered pleasantly, giving her a wide, splendid smile. She looked delighted and took a shaky breath in anticipation of a fulfilment of a task she had long wished for.

"Thank you Professor! Thank you so much!" Dumbledore nodded and looked down the corridor to conceal his amusement. He knew Miss McGonagall very well by now, from all the evenings spent together playing chess and all the lessons she had worked so hard in. From all the knowledge he had gained from these evenings and lessons, he knew foremost that she hated being laughed at (as he had made that mistake one too many times) and that it was a rare thing for her to gush her words but it had just happened.

"You are very welcome Miss McGonagall." He replied pleasantly. She smiled one of her rare, brilliant smiles up at him and her heart beat nearly twice as fast as it had been doing, for reasons she did not care to think about just now. He was so unbelievably good; it made her glad just to know him. As he looked down, he realised just how beautiful she was when she smiled. He knew, and sometimes regretted, that she was known for her beauty throughout the school. It was a point that frequently tested her nerves, as he knew well. She was admired as a great beauty normally, but when she smiled, he thought, there was nothing in the world that could out-shine her.

Albus quickly realised how inappropriate those thoughts were and shook himself mentally before looking back down the corridor. He knew if he was not such a good Occlumens then he should have been worrying for his job, especially if Horace Slughorn had anything to do with it. But she didn't seem to notice the glances he sometimes let slip when they were alone, thank Merlin. He didn't know what he would've done if she suddenly realised how he felt, because he knew that Minerva would never allow it. She was a strict rule-follower, she even discouraged her friends from breaking the rules occasionally and their relationship would be breaking one of the most important rules in the book!

He began to wonder if him teaching her would be the best thing for her. All that time spent together, alone. He had never been very good at disguising his emotions (as his auburn hair made clear) and they seemed to overtake him when he was around this young woman. 'Young' being the operative word. He was far too old for her. His heart had formed a most inconvenient attachment to the woman striding alongside him, and he wondered if it was as obvious to her as it seemed to be to some others, who shall remain nameless.

But, as he glanced beside him and saw the look of complete contentment on her face and as he remembered the smile she had dazzled him with, only a few moments ago, he knew he couldn't go back on his word now. It meant the world to her to know she was good enough for this and he couldn't, wouldn't take that away from her. She couldn't help smiling to herself as she walked beside him. He had agreed. He'd said he would. She, just for that small moment, had lost control and genuinely thought about hugging him, but then instantly suppressed the idea. It was too emotional, especially for her, and he was a teacher after all. A teacher she happened to feel something as well as admiration for. Something very different to what she should feel.

Still, she was grateful he had agreed to take her on. As she looked up at him she could have sworn she saw something akin to admiration in the look he gave her before transferring his gaze back to the corridor they were strolling down. She had to stop herself from snorting at her ludicrous thought. Admiration for her? Had she completely taken leave of her common sense? It was merely wishful thinking on her part, nothing more, it had to be. She sighed silently, and carried on walking beside her professor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything to do with the wonderful HP series, so thanks but no thanks.

**A/N: **I'm so glad I'm updating. Well, the truth is I have so much work to do, I barely managed to get this one out and the only reason it's this one is because I think, and please, correct me if I'm wrong, that this is one of my better works, rather than the fluff I usually churn out by the pound. I hope you like it, and I hope to hear from you in your lovely reviews very soon, you people are the reason I keep writing, so thanks so much! A special thanks to HogwartsHoney again, my unwavering faith in you could not be placed in a better person.

**Summary:** Minerva's growing up with Albus watching over her from a distance, and she is living with a heart full of love for him that she cannot follow. She can never tell him and neither can he. Eventual MMAD.

**How Can MMADness Prevail?**

**Chapter Two:**

**Lessons in Life**

"Sir, I can't." Minerva started through a clenched jaw, holding back how desperate she felt with a bit of trouble. Albus merely looked down at her stonily. Minerva had been taking Animagus lessons for some weeks and now they were approaching the October half-term, it wasn't just Minerva who was getting frustrated with her lack of progress. It wasn't that she couldn't do it, she was able, but it seemed to Albus that she was either been holding back on herself or was simply incapable of doing what he asked because of him asking. He had asked her so many times. All he wanted her to do was to connect with her emotions, that's all he had been asking for a month. He had seen her connect with them before, she could be emotional if she chose, so she was not incapable, she just would not do it while with him and that fact alone was enough to irritate him. He had thought she trusted him more than that.

"Minerva, if you are ever to become an Animagus, then you are going to need to connect to your emotions because from no other source can you get such a surge of raw energy which is what you need when you transform. You need to identify which is your strongest emotion and use it! At the moment, you are drawing on the wrong ones, which is why you cannot even attempt to transform." Albus explained for what seemed like the thousandth time. She flinched and turned away from him, her eyes closing in anger at herself before they sprang open when she spoke.

"Sir, I don't know how." She admitted, through gritted teeth, her frustration pounding inside her. She had been taught since she was very little to control and contain her emotions, as both her mother and father had been Aurors and they had always said that emotions were dangerous if allowed to reign in the head as well as the heart. It was turning out to be very challenging for Minerva to unlearn something she had always been taught. Albus watched her for a few moments, then felt his heart soften and went over to her to put his hands on her shoulders, her eyes swinging round to his.

"Let me help you then." He pleaded, catching her eyes and holding them. They were clouded with doubt and confusion, and though he knew why this was so difficult for her (he knew her parents quite well) he knew she was strong enough to over-come it, if she would just try a little harder. With her eyes gazing into his, it seemed so easy to just slip into her mind… and he did. He knew he shouldn't, but he had to try. He searched subtly for a few minutes for her fears, and then read them carefully, so as not to alert her to what he was doing. He was surprised to find that her fear consisted mostly of him, and what he would find if she did 'connect' with her emotions.

She had a secret, a fire inside her that she didn't want anyone to know about because it was forbidden and someone discovering it, or realising what it was, was her greatest fear whether consciously or not, he didn't know. He sighed, not willing to probe any further in case she was alerted to his presence, and pulled himself out of her mind. She had to let go of those fears, however well founded she thought they were, if she was to make any progress at all in this field. Though, he admitted, perhaps he had started her on the practical side a little early, if he had gone into the theory a little more first, perhaps she would have had more time and might have been more prepared.

"Minerva, you need to let go of your fear." He said calmly, his voice going slightly cooler than usual. She looked up at him and frowned with her eyes suddenly sharp, an expression that had come to be very familiar to him over the past few weeks and would be very familiar to her own students in later years. It was irritated, but at the same time, worried.

"How do you know what my fears are Professor?" She questioned, as an awful thought occurred to her caused by his knowing tone. She stiffened in terror as the horrid possibility came to her mind. He could not have just read her mind. He wouldn't. But how else could he know her fears? And if he had, why had she not felt anything? Surely she would have noticed? She couldn't drag her eyes from his as they bored down into her emerald green ones, but she could find no softness, no twinkle there this time. She suppressed a shudder at the coldness she could now see. 'This must be how he looked when he fought in the war' was the only thought that drifted across the back of her mind.

"Minerva, I'm going to ask you something now and you must answer me truthfully." She nodded while holding her breath, her pulse rate increasing and her pupils dilating with fear. "Will you let me read your mind, freely and openly?" He asked, and she could no longer stop herself from shivering. His voice was as cold as ice, and his eyes reminded her of the marble floors they had at the bottom of the swimming pool in her parents' manor in Scotland. They seemed very different from the sparkling jewels that she was used to. Minerva couldn't bare it, and looked away, considering his request.

Was it safe to let him into her mind, considering the crush she seemed to have developed (one that she hoped would abate in a while) for him? Though of course, it was possible she could hide it, her father had also taught her Occlumency from an early age so there was a small chance she could hide that embarrassing attachment without being detected. After all, he was looking for her most powerful emotion; he wouldn't need to know about it. She sighed, put up the necessary protections and nodded, turning to face her professor once more.

Albus looked deep into her eyes and once more, slid inside her mind. This time, she felt it, and he allowed himself freedom to roam everywhere he could get. The key could be anywhere, in a memory, in a connection to a place or person, and Albus made sure he made a thorough search, covering almost every track in her mind with his imprint. He looked at her emotions, her hopes, her dreams (the ones he could find) her fears again, looking for the one controlling emotion, the one she must draw on to transform. He saw her thirst for knowledge, he found her courage, but he could sense a stronger one.

He searched everywhere, all through her memories and was surprised to find how many there were of him. Well, them to be more precise. Them playing chess, them talking after class, them meeting in a corridor, them looking at each other during a lesson, there were so many! She remembered about as many as he did! Why had she chosen to remember these memories so clearly, when others of her friends faded with time? Why these memories? There was a small voice in the back of his head that could tell him why, because it knew how Albus felt and knew there was a chance Minerva felt the same, but it was only a possible answer. Albus ignored that little voice.

It was merely wishful thinking on his part, nothing more. Why would she possibly be tempted by a man so many years her senior, especially when she has the pick of most of the men and boys at Hogwarts? No, Albus thought regretfully, she was merely hiding something embarrassing from him. That must be why he could not find the one he was looking for. Sighing, he pulled out of her mind again and looked her in the eye. Minerva knew he'd either found it or sensed that she was hiding something, she could tell from the look he was giving her. It was piercing yet tired, telling her he was disappointed with her, although his eyes told her as much by themselves. It made her heart quail to think of it.

"Minerva, you're hiding something. I know you have a larger, stronger emotion inside you but have made it impossible for me to find. That tells me you're embarrassed about it. Well, that's fine as long as you can clearly find and define that emotion for yourself, I don't need to know exactly what it is, but I think perhaps, one day, you should tell me. It's not good for friends to keep secrets." He finished, looking at her seriously as she blushed from his words. Friends. Now that she thought about it, they were friends. She knew enough about him and he about her.

Some of the things she knew about him her friends didn't even know about her! She knew that he had a brother, and that they hadn't spoken for three years because of a disagreement about a woman Alberforth had been dating at the time. Albus had thought she was working with Grindlewald and had warned Alberforth but his brother had taken umbrage and thought Albus was trying to interfere. Minerva had shook her head and sighed at the time (how anyone could stay angry at Albus was beyond her, she had tried it many times without any sort of success) but she understood. Sibling rivalry was hard enough to contend with, without outside interference.

She knew what his favourite sweet was, she knew his favourite colour, she knew a lot of his favourite things. She had tried every trick to find out what they were so she never ran out of Christmas and birthday ideas. Now, somehow, she had become closer to him than to anyone else she had ever known and though she knew it wasn't strictly right, it was in her heart. She knew this was how they were supposed to be, despite what her friends might say. They all though she was barmy, liking him as much as she did (not that they knew how much that was) but they didn't see him as she did.

He was a friendly smile, a glad face, an enquiring mind (sometimes too enquiring), and a shoulder to share her troubles with. He was a true friend. She hoped he would always be part of her life. She tried to stop the renewed flush of her cheeks but some leaked through and Albus tried not to smile as he saw her embarrassment at being caught embarrassed. She really did have a little too much pride sometimes; she couldn't see it was only human to flush occasionally. Drawing his thoughts back to the present problem, he looked her in the eyes again.

"Are you willing to draw on that emotion Minerva?" He asked, moving on swiftly to put her more at ease. She noticed and moved with him, smiling inwardly at his gentlemanly ways. It was incredible to her that anyone could NOT like him; he was so… she searched for the right adjective but none seemed to fit. She ended up finishing the thought with a very limp word: Good. He was good.

"Yes Professor. I'm ready. What must I do?" She asked, lifting her head resolutely and looking up trustingly into his amazing blue eyes. He smiled and stepped back. It was then both realised his hands were still on her shoulders and they had been standing inside the boundaries of personal space. Looking away form him uncomfortably and struggling to suppress the blush that once again threatened to engulf her face; she shuffled backwards and ran a hand over her hair to smooth it back into place where it had come slightly loose from her oh-so-practical bun that would later become her trademark.

Albus watched her as she, again, tried not to be embarrassed, but this time because of him. He had to admit it, he had been too close. He waited patiently for her to ready and compose herself, then she raised her head and determinedly met his eyes, just like last time. Albus let the moment linger, then cleared his throat and they started the lesson again with a much more compliant pupil and a happier professor. It was only when she returned to her dormitory that she realised the impact of what she had found out. Her strongest emotion was for him!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything to do with the wonderful HP series, so thanks but no thanks.

**A/N: **Another update, go me! I'm getting somewhere. I really hope you like this chapter; the typing bug has got me fast in its clutches so you might be seeing the next chapter quite soon. Please, I'm begging now, review and let me know now whether I should just stop and shut up because I'm really worried about this now. Please?? Please?? I'd love to know what you think!

**Summary: **Minerva's growing up with Albus watching over her from a distance, and she is living with a heart full of love for him that she cannot follow. She can never tell him and neither can he. Eventual MMAD.

**How Can MMADness Prevail?**

**Chapter Three:**

**Confessions For Two**

"Miss McGonagall! Could I have a word please?" Dumbledore called as she reached to door at the end of a transfiguration lesson with the Slytherins. It was nearly time for the Christmas holiday and you could tell. The whole castle was alive with Christmas preparations and there were smiling and cheery faces everywhere you looked. There was a tingling sense of anticipation in the air. However, Dumbledore had noticed that his prize student was not engaging in the festivities. On the contrary, she looked increasingly more troubled as the days passed.

Her friends didn't seem to see, but then from what Minerva had accidentally let slip a few times during their lessons together, they were not that close, and he only knew because of occasional slips in her countenance, a look of worry instantly replaced so you were almost not sure it was there. But it _was_ there and he had seen it most and more just recently. She wouldn't have told anybody and he knew it. He believed it was not good for her to bottle all this up inside her. Something was wrong and though she assured him she was fine, as usual, he knew this was not the case. Perhaps she would tell him now.

"Yes Professor?" She asked, approaching his desk wearily. She knew that look he was giving her. He was worried about her, and she hated it. She didn't want him to worry and she cursed herself for the momentary slips she knew had brought this on. He stood and came from behind his desk to stand in front of her. She didn't look up, he would read her eyes and see the worry and hurt in them she hadn't yet learned to mask. He looked at her bowed head and knew exactly why she wouldn't look up.

"Minerva, I know something is bothering you, I see it more every day, if you are ready, I would like you to tell me. Please?" He added, still watching her bowed head. She blinked furiously, trying to keep back the tears she had kept down so long. His tone was so kind, so endearing, so genuinely warm and heartfelt she couldn't control herself. He was reaching into her and bringing up emotions she wanted to stay buried. The tears began to fall and she knew her shoulders were shaking. She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands.

"Oh Professor, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-" She was cut off by his arms wrapping around her and pulling her into him gently, enfolding her in his presence where she felt safe. She sobbed, resting her head against his chest and trying desperately to quell the emotions running riot through her. She was not like this, this was not who she was supposed to be. She was strong. He could sense her unease, her confusion, and grieved for the innocence she seemed to have had taken away form her. She wasn't the child she had once been. What had changed?

"Minerva, don't crush them. You need your emotions, let them run free a while. You don't have to be strong all the time." He whispered, rubbing soothing circles on her back, hoping he had got through to her and she would listen to him. She needed to. She shook her head and clenched her jaw to try and stop her feelings completely over-running her common sense, she had not come this far to break down now. It wasn't who she was. But it was so easy to just let her walls down a little. Oh damn the man! She was not going to give in now!

"Professor, I'm sorry to have caused you worry but…" She couldn't bear to tell him and trailed off, wiping her eyes and breathing deeply, willing back the tears and paying no heed to his advice. He felt her gathering herself and sighed, wondering how someone to intelligent could have so very little idea about what was good for her. He could do nothing though, only let her know that he was here.

"Minerva, you have nothing to be sorry for but please, tell me what's troubling you." Albus asked again, not pulling back nor stopping his hand movement, though she had made clear she was not going to be comforted. She noticed, and found the strength to move away. She sighed as well, and lifted her head, drawing back to look up at him with her dark green orbs, which sparkled with suppressed tears. He looked down at her, patience and sadness dominant in his own countenance.

"I received some news from home which has stopped any wish to participate in this year's festivities." Minerva told him quietly, looking straight into his eyes with open honesty. He nodded, never breaking eye contact with the girl who was so much more to him than a student. Minerva swallowed, hoping to get rid of the lump in her throat preventing her from speaking. Her eyes gazed up at him with an intensity and depth he wondered and marvelled at. He realised now she had never been a child.

"My parents, they – they were…" Minerva could no longer control herself and so lowered her eyes and bowed her head again, feeling the tears spill down her pale cheeks once more. Albus put his hands on her shoulders, out of a want to comfort but she raised her head at his touch and was horrified to find his own eyes clouded with tears. She looked up at him desperately and whispered in a low voice (which was all she could force out her scratched throat) knowing she could not stay much longer,

"Professor, they were k-killed by Grindlewald. That is why I have no wish to celebrate. I cannot go home for the holidays anymore. I'm sorry for everything I have inflicted on you, if you'll excuse me, I must leave for my next class." Half-happy her voice had only faltered once, she turned away and his hands dropped from her shoulders, leaving a burning feeling felt on her skin under the robes he had touched, but she tried to be indifferent. Albus blinked away his own tears and followed her, making her pause with a hand on her arm. He was by no means satisfied with her last explanation and he felt it would be detrimental to their friendship to let her go like this.

"Minerva, I refuse to let you think you have been anything other than a delight to teach and talk to these past few years. I am sorry about your parents my dear. They were good people." He had started out quite fiercely but had softened when mentioning the subject which still must be a sore spot for anyone to talk about around her. He thought he saw her flinch on his last sentence and turned her back round to face him, hoping she would not run form him as she once might have done.

"When did you find out?" He asked, looking into her eyes carefully. She looked away, knowing it was the only way she would be able to keep a reign on her emotions which up until this interview she had been able to control. He always seemed to drag this up in her; she should never have let him keep her behind. Actually, now she thought about it, that was the least of her mistakes. She should never have let him so close to her in the first place. She had to answer him of course.

"About a month ago." She answered, pleased she now could answer in a voice that sounded more like her own, usual, clipped and precise tones. Albus sighed, sensing her withdrawal and found her mask slipping back into place when he examined her face. He let her go, stepping back though still regarding her closely. There was very little he could do now except watch her, he had to accept that. She was not going to let him help her yet. Well, he would be ready when she was.

"Very well. Are you sure you would not like to stay a while? I can write a note to your next teacher, if you'd like." He offered, watching her pick up her bag and swing it over her shoulder. She shook her head, ran a hand over her hair, nodded goodbye and quickly left the room, not looking back in case her eyes caught his. She didn't think she would have the strength to pull away if his eyes pleaded with her they way she knew they would be, because she knew he wanted to help her. There was just no way he could do it.

Albus let his eyes linger on the door, wishing for the first time in his life that he didn't care. It would make things so much easier if he didn't care about her. But he did. Oh he did, so much more than he should. It was as if he had been waiting his whole life to meet this young woman. She was so much like him, and yet she was so different from anything he had ever encountered. She was a puzzle, yet sometimes he thought he could see the solution. She confused him and at the same time he felt she was the answer to his own insanity. But she was so young. She had so many troubles of her own and still managed to work out his as well. He didn't know what he was going to do in two years time, when she was no longer here.

Sighing again, he tore his eyes away from the door and turned to his own desk, leaning heavily on his hands which were resting on the table top, and breathing deeply. He had to rid himself of these feelings. They were dangerous and he knew it. In his heart, he knew he would never be able to forget her but he had to at least bury the kindled love she had caused in him. He would bury it and give her the chance of a normal life. If 'normal' was the right word to use. He just wanted her to be happy.

Minerva hurried into the library, nodding at the librarian as she looked up from her desk and hurried to the back shelves, her eyes still a little red and puffy form crying. Taking cover behind some tall, old bookcases, she slid her bad onto a table and slumped into a chair beside it. Her tears had of course been shut off as soon as she had left Albus' classroom. 'Professor Dumbledore's classroom' she sternly corrected herself. He did have such a way of dragging up all the emotions she was so sure she had buried. More than anything, it scared her that she could not get away from these feelings. She was beginning to think she was falling in… she dared not finish that sentence.

She had been lying when she had said about her next class. Herbology had been cancelled for Professor Pinten to deal with some pesky plants form Greenhouse 5 who had turned out to have an aversion to English winter weather, which Minerva had found very irksome at breakfast but was now very glad of. She didn't feel like facing anyone right now. Leaning her head back, Minerva let it rest against the back of the chair; her hand wandered over to her bag and pulled back the flap to take out a squeezy ball that she proceeded to knead with all her might.

Her mother had given it to her in third year to help relieve some of her pent up stress and Minerva often used it. In fact, she never left her dormitory without it nowadays. She had even had to mend it several times because of throwing it at sharp objects. Minerva tried to smile as she though of her mother telling her off for thinking to hard but it was too painful. She just stared up at the ceiling, her legs unconsciously crossing and her hearing sharpening so she would know of anyone approaching. She was satisfied then that she would be by herself and let her thoughts whirl a bit, as they had been dieing to do since leaving him.

Why had she broken down so easily? Why then? All Albus, no _Dumbledore_ had done was ask her to tell him, as he had done many times before, so why had she cracked this time? Had she well and truly reached her emotional limit for holding them inside? Impossible! She sighed as she reached the conclusion she had been dreading. It must have been him. It _always_ came down to him. Never before had she been unable to break her emotions' attachment to somebody. She had liked Albus form the moment she had laid eyes on him at the Sorting Ceremony. He was so vivid, so alive, so god-damn charming half the female staff were 'fond' of him.

That feeling had only grown over the years and now she had only a year and a half left, she was beginning to feel a little desperate. He was wrong, she could not clearly define the emotion she had for him, but she had a feeling it was four letters and started with 'l'. How could she leave when she knew in her heart she belonged here, by his side? Did she really have enough in her to leave him? Minerva quailed at the thought of ever leaving him, it was just not right! But he would want her to leave, to go out and make a name for herself and shine in whatever area she chose to study. There was no competition really; she knew it was Transfiguration she would take on.

Her Animagus training would be finished by the middle of next year and she would miss it terribly. She enjoyed the hours they spent together, the discussions, the tutoring, the closeness they shared more than she could ever describe. Most of all, she would miss the shared glances, the silent jokes the only they understood because they were so close. They made sense when together. Her friends couldn't understand the connection; they avoided the subject as if it was something to be feared. They missed the meeting of eyes in class when someone made an obvious mistake, they didn't understand! The only one who did was him.

Minerva sighed, and her free hand rose to rub her temples. She had to stop thinking about this. Closing her eyes, she leant forward and slipped the ball back into her bag to bring out a textbook. Opening her eyes and not taking much notice of the title, she flipped open the cover and lowered her hand form her temples. There was a note on the fly leaf, written in a loopy hand she recognised instantly. It was written quickly but that didn't make the message any less heart-felt:

_My dear Minerva,_

_I hope you are enjoying your birthday. I saw this on my travels over the summer and thought how perfect it would be for you. I know you will enjoy this and I look forward to seeing you soon._

_Cordially yours,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

He had sent it via owl on her birthday since he had not seen her that day and when the owl arrived at her common room, she had known immediately known who it was from. She had seen the owl in his quarters, near Fawkes' perch. She had read this book first, before all the others she received and had read it many more times since. He was right, she had loved it. But it wasn't so much that as he had given it to her and had put thought into it, and had meant it for her!

He would have captured her heart with that little note if he had not done so already and she felt while she was reading it, he wasn't quite so out of reach. Only one of her friends had taken a look inside this book and although Minerva had seen her eyes widen and her face flush, she had never approached her about it. It was awkward territory to go into and Minerva did not like explaining her relationship with Albus, especially to people like her friends who were obsessed with boys of their own age. They couldn't see how someone Minerva's age could get along with someone Albus' age. But she kept telling herself it was possible.

"Ugh!" Minerva groaned softly, sliding her hands on top of the book and laying her head on them, feeling the beginnings of a pounding headache building up in her temples. She could NOT keep torturing herself like this. He was a professor, and Deputy Headmaster _and_ her Head of House; she CANNOT feel like this for him. He was so much better than her, and deserved so much more than she could give. But… she loved him. There, she had finally admitted it.

She loved him.

Now what on Merlin's earth was she supposed to do?


End file.
